


It's Okay

by squint



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fatherhood, Feelings, Friendship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parenthood, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, struggling Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 06:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20990018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squint/pseuds/squint
Summary: Buck couldn't tell how long they had been standing there, on Eddie's front porch in a silent hug, when Eddie slowly lets go of him. He takes a step back, quickly wipes across his cheeks hoping Buck wouldn't notice, before he looks up to him. 'I'm sorry. I - I just needed -' He pauses, doesn't really know how to say it. Buck gives him a reassuring smile. 'I know. It's okay.'_Eddie struggles with the care for Christopher after his abuela broke her hip. But Buck is always there to support him. - 2x04 coda*request for a beta reader in chapter 2*





	1. It's okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks, this is my first fic in this fandom. Hope you guys like it.
> 
> Because english's not my mother tongue, let me know if something is terribly wrong :)

Buck is still standing at the pole talking to Bobby when Eddie comes back from escorting his aunt and Christopher to her car. Eddie's smiling but Buck could look right through it. As much as Eddie tried to cover the stress and the concern about the situation with Christopher with a smile, Buck only needed a second to see it's not reaching his eyes. Usually there's a spark in Eddie's eyes whenever he laughs, giving the brown color of his eyes a beautiful touch of gold and Buck always a reason to smile along. But right now there's no spark, all Buck could see was a certain hint of sadness. Sadness that wouldn't leave, neither when the alarm went of for their next call nor when the end of their shift finally came. And it left Buck with worry.

Buck intended to talk to Eddie but even before Buck could get into his clothes after the shower Eddie leaves the changing room with a quiet 'bye'. 

Now Buck is sitting in his car in front of Eddie's home, rethinking if it's a good idea to just knock at Eddie's door at half past 8, uninvited. He doesn't really know why he's here. He was already almost at his apartment when he took a turn into the direction of Eddie's home, driven by this uncertain feeling in his gut. He couldn't just drive home knowing that Eddie had a hell of a day emotionally. What kind of a friend would do that? So he throws his caution to the wind and gets out of his car. He climbs the few steps to the front door and knocks. A few moments later the door opens. Eddie looked even worse than at the station. Shoulders sagged, pale. "Buck. What are you doing here?" Eddie asks in surprise, trying to straighten up a little. "I uhm - you had a rough day and I thought that uh - maybe you need someone to talk to." Buck stumbles, becoming quieter when Eddie just stares. He starts to doubt that he made the right choice to come here when suddenly Eddie slumped into Buck a second later. His arms wraps around Bucks waist so tightly like he needs something to hold on to, to not get lost. His face hidden in the crook of Bucks neck where he mumbles a broken 'thank you'. And Buck just returns the hug. He slings his arms around Eddie, feels him shaking in his embrace. So Buck just holds him tighter, slightly stroking his back trying to make him understand that he's here, that he won't get lost. 

Buck couldn't tell how long they had been standing there, on Eddie's front porch in a silent hug when Eddie slowly lets go of him. He takes a step back, quickly wipes across his cheeks hoping Buck wouldn't notice before he looks up to him. 'I'm sorry. I - I just needed -' He pauses, doesn't really know how to say it. Buck gives him a reassuring smile. 'I know. It's okay.'  
Eddie clears his throat and steps aside a little bit. 'Should we go inside?' He asks. 'Sure.' Buck nods and follows Eddie into his livingroom. It's a little chaotic but Buck doesn't bother. He isn't the tidiest person himself and hey, there's a kid living here to. But Eddie starts to move around picking up toys from the floor and collects dirty plates from the table. 'I'm sorry. I just tucked Christopher in and hadn't had the time -' He babbles nervously while he's already at a different corner to pick up a sweater that seems to be Christopher's. Buck just stands there, in the middle of the living room watching Eddie wandering around without any pattern, readjusting the pillows on his couch at one side of the room and shoving together papers on the table at another. His movements so hasty and clumsy that a few papers fall on the floor. Buck doesn't know if Eddie even noticed it, because he didn't pick them up. 'I would offer you something to drink but were kind of running out of -' Eddie mumbles as he moved past Buck. 'Maybe-'  
He is interrupted by Buck firm grip on his wrist. 'Eddie stop.' Eddie looks confused but he stops, tension leaving his body as he locks his eyes with Bucks. 'Come on.' Buck says quietly guiding Eddie to his couch and crouches next to him. 'You need to calm down a bit, okay? Take a few breaths.' Eddie just nods and inhales deeply. Only now he notices his shaky breath and his trembling hands. He closes his eyes for a minute until he feels Buck's hand on his shoulder. 'You should drink something.' Buck says reaching Eddie a glass of water before he take a seat on the couch too. 'Sorry for all the trouble.' Eddie murmurs after he took a sip. 'Eddie, would you please stop being sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.'  
'Yes. Yes I do. I'm his father! Its my job to care for him and it feels like I'm failing.' He turns his glass between his fingers. 'I know I shouldn't leave Chris with my abuela that often because of work. I know. And I love this kid. I love him more than anything and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. But sometimes - sometimes it's just so damn hard to give him what he needs. It's not only the care. I could do that. I would just cut some working hours and be with him. It's his school, the medical treatments, therapy. I couldn't afford it. I almost can't now. I try to get everything for his needs but all those forms and conditions they ask for... It's so difficult and it takes so much time I don't have between shifts and having Christopher. And I can't ask my abuela for even more help. She's doing so much.' A lump grows in Eddie's throat and Buck could see that his eyes begin to fill with tears and his hands start shaking again. He takes the glass from Eddie's grip and places it on the table in front. "I really want Chris to have everything he needs and - and try to make it work but -" Eddie sobs and the first tear finds it's way on his cheeks. "I keep failing, over and over again. But I'm trying, Buck. I'm trying so hard." He couldn't hold back the tears anymore and everything else he wanted to say got lost in his sobs against Bucks chest after he pulled him into his arms. Eddie clings onto his shirt, his knuckles turning white. Buck arms are wrapped around Eddie's quivering body, one hand stroking over his back the other one resting in Eddie's neck, thumb drawing circles on his scalp. "Shhh. I know. It's okay." He mumbles next to Eddie's ear. "It's okay." Other than that he's quite. He just keeps on holding tight and let Eddie cling onto him. He lets him cry, gives him the time he needs until the sobbing calms down and the grip on his shirt loosens.  
"You're doing a great job, Eddie." Buck says, his hand still on Eddie's back, warm and grounding. "It's okay to struggle. Everyone does. You don't have to do this alone. It's okay to ask for help." "I know, but he's my responsibility, not only my abuelas or my aunts. It's not fair on them." Eddie gets out. "It wasn't fair on you either that Shannon left you alone with Chris. With all of this." Buck states out. Cursing Shannon in his thoughts because she left Eddie in this mess. "You're a single dad. A dad of a precious little boy with special needs. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to fail. It doesn't make you a less better father. You need to know that, okay?“ He feels Eddie nodding against his chest. "I just want you to remember that you're part of the 118 now. You have a family now, if you want to or not." Bucks says and Eddies chuckles slightly. "We're here for you and you can always talk to us." Eddie moves out of the embrace to look at Buck, eyes red and puffy. He wipes away his tears and nods. "Okay." Buck needs to smile at that and Eddie smiles back, just a little, but it's a real one and that's so much worth. And Buck could swear there was something golden in Eddie's eyes again, just for a split second. 

"And you know, I really like that little guy. If you need someone to babysit him once in a while give me a call." "Really?" Eddie asks surprised.  
"Of course. He called me 'Bucky' today. He has me wrapped around his little finger already." Buck laughs and Eddie joins. "Yeah, he's a little charmer." "He sure is."

After that Buck stays a little longer, listening to stories about Christopher and watching a crappy reality show later. He doesn't really pay attention to it because he's busy searching for the number of a friend that might help Eddie. He texts her if she could call him in the morning and then puts his phone away. He's just about to tell Eddie that he maybe found a solution when he notices that Eddie's already asleep. Buck thinks about just leaving but decides different. Eddie needs a full night's sleep after this day not some crappy couch. And his neck will thank him later too. 

So he gets up, switches off the TV and crouches down next to Eddie. "Hey, Eddie, come on. You need to go to bed." Eddie only grunts but tries to get up with his eyes barely open. Bucks helps him to stand up, hooks arm around Eddies waist and walks him to his room. "Here we are." Buck says as Eddie finally sits on his bed. "But I need t' walk'ya to th' door." It's a hoarse mumble, Eddie's eyes already closed again. "I'm a big boy. I will just switch off the light and close the door behind me. Come on, lay down." Eddie does what he's told." 'mkay."  
Before he leaves the room Buck places the covers over Eddie and plugs in his phone. He was almost out of the door when he hears a whispered 'thank you, Bucky.' He smiles. Like father, like son. 

And maybe, just maybe Eddie woke up to a text from Buck, saying that they'll meet this afternoon for a surprise, and to a completely tidy living room.


	2. Beta Request

Hey there!  
I finished my second story about our lovely trio Buck, Eddie and Christopher. Now I need someone to beta read it and give me their opinion about a few things. It's around 5-6 k words, accident/hurt & comfort/romance tagged and emotional, I guess. 

Comment if you would like to help me out. Thanks :)  
x squint


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